mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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