You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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