My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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