Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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