I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
