I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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