Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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