You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
