Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
