i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
