I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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