bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
