Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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