dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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