it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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