you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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