Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
