ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
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he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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