do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
