operation have a gay friend backfired
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
