apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
