I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
