I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
