I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I need water and some morals
Randomize
