And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
