But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
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the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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