It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
