apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
