Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
