Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
