I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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