in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
