We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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