you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
