did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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