come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
