you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
