Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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