I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
