Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
