so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
