Kiss
Puke
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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