Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
