I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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