The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
