Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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