Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
