I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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