Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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