in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
