just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
