What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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