First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
