My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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