friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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