can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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