I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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