i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
