never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize