Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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