he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
