thus making me awesome and them whores
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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