1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
