i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
