ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
