I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
