You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
