Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
