God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
