just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
