Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
