last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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