I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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