OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
