I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
