you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
