Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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